On a big old concrete slab surrounded by decaying poplar trees off from U.S. Route 11 in a small town without a traffic light there are over one thousand brand new cars. They are shiny and detailed and parked in a row, and when the gleaming sun hits them just right it bounces right back into your eye, blinding you for just a second like the flash of camera bulb. There’s hot dogs, barbecue chicken, soda nestled in a cooler full of ice, music, and the most entertaining barkers of all time. Some can sing, some can dance, hell, one even juggles chainsaws and they bark and coo and jump all around you while you eat, for free mind you, and walk around getting in and out of brand new vehicles. To top it all off, there’s wheelbarrows.
Not just any wheel barrows, mind you. These are state of the art, self-balancing, heavy duty, American made wheelbarrows. Well, they’re assembled in America anyways. These aren’t the cheap plastic Chinese Wheelbarrow’s of your past, these wheelbarrows are made from good old American wood, and the tires are from Goodyear. But that’s not even the end of it, they have wheelbarrow extensions too. You can easily turn a five foot wheelbarrow into a seven foot wheelbarrow just by adding on the extension. And all of this is free. You can go to the concrete slab, watch a barker juggle chainsaws, eat a few hot dogs and a chicken, pour soda after soda down your throat, and then go sit in the air conditioned room, listen to some barking and cooing, and you get to go home. Nobody says a thing to you if you don’t want to buy.
But believe you me, you’ll buy. You’ll be buying every car in sight. That concrete slab isn’t going to pay for itself. Besides, a free wheelbarrow means work can get done. If you got a wheelbarrow, you can haul, if you can haul, you can sweat, and if you can sweat, you can make money, if you can make money, then you can pay for one of them fancy new cars, if you can pay for that new car, you can pay your taxes, and if you can pay your taxes then you can pay for that big concrete slab surrounded by decaying poplar trees covered in shiny new cars that blinds you when you drive by as it reflects that big old American sun.
It all starts with paying for that big old concrete slab. That’s what brought the cars, the cars brought the barkers, the barkers brought the free food, and those beautiful, strong, American assembled wheelbarrows and wheelbarrow extensions with their mostly made in America rubber wheels got here by the grace of God. Now we go back to work and have something interesting to do on Saturday. It’s better than great, it’s perfect, five cars in every driveway, all running idle.
Anthony N. White is a writer currently living in Rochester, NY.
He can be heckled on Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat @Ruthieshusband
The image for this piece was borrowed from the following website: